Better Health & Living
Beat Holiday Stress
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‘Tis the season to be…anxious? In a recent Gallup poll, two out of five people confessed that they feel more stressed, depressed, and anxious during the long holiday season, which stretches from Thanksgiving Eve through New Year’s Day, than at any other time of year.
“Many of us expect the whole season to be happy, joyous, and perfect,” says psychologist Josh Klapow, PhD, associate professor in the department of health care organization and policy at the University of Alabama at Birmingham and author of Living Smart: 5 Essential Skills to Change Your Health Habits Forever
That may be especially true in this economic climate. A healthier approach: Redefine holiday happiness so it fits your family, your wallet, and your emotions. Here’s how.
I look forward to family holiday gatherings, but they usually leave me feeling irritable and angry. How can I change this?
When you visit extended family during the holiday season, you need to go in with the understanding that there will be some happy, positive experiences; some stressful times; and some negative experiences. That way, when something negative occurs—such as an argument that seems to happen every year—you’ll know it doesn’t mean your holidays are ruined.
Think about your expectations ahead of time. Write them down and read them aloud. Are they realistic? Remember that this is a special time, but it can’t be a perfect time. The holidays can be almost magical if you stop expecting perfection. If you go in expecting reasonable levels of joy, you’ll start noticing that “Wow, I actually had a good time.” You’ll gain more pleasure from the positive parts and feel less overwhelmed and discouraged by the difficult moments.
I’m worried—and a little embarrassed—because our financial situation is making us scale back this year. How can I handle this with my family and friends, and still enjoy the holidays?
It takes courage to speak up, but simply telling everyone that you’re downsizing the holidays could be the best gift you’ve ever given to your family and friends. In our society, most of us feel obligated to spend far beyond our means during the holidays. By January, we’re in debt. You may have to swallow your pride a bit to say that you’ll be giving smaller gifts this year, but your honesty could open the way for friends and relatives to do the same. You could save them from driving themselves into debt—and open the door to a tradition of giving from the heart.
That doesn’t mean the holidays should be depressing or feel punitive for you or your spouse and children. Sit down with your immediate family and brainstorm ways to have fun without spending very much money. Try to include activities each person wants to do. Time together—rather than things—is what’s meaningful and memorable, and it’s closer to what the holidays are all about.
I feel very sad at this time of year. Any suggestions to get myself into the spirit?
Do the opposite: Stop trying so hard and cut yourself some slack. Some people with depression tend to feel more depressed as midwinter days grow shorter. Or you may feel grief, missing a spouse or relative who’s passed away. Whatever the cause, instead of forcing your feelings away, it’s important to accept that the holiday season simply isn’t the most wonderful time of the year for you.
It’s also okay to be a little selfish. As much as we talk about the holidays being about giving, self-sacrifice, and doing things for others, it’s important to take care of yourself, too. You may not want to go to another party, but you’d love to spend an evening at home with a good book. You may not like spending an afternoon at a crowded mall, but meeting a friend for a movie would be fun.
Also, create your own traditions. It’s important to connect with other people, but if getting together with the whole family doesn’t work for you, how about spending time with a few relatives or friends you really like? Caring for yourself can improve your mood so you find that you enjoy the holidays—in your own way—more than you expected.
I’m so exhausted from the cooking, decorating, and entertaining that I’m too tired to enjoy the holidays. What will help?
You probably know what to do, but it’s hard. Remind yourself that these holidays are yours as much as they are your kids’ and husband’s. If you’re miserable because you’re overextended and self-sacrificing to the point where there’s nothing left, then no one in your household is going to be happy. Do two things:
First, figure out what you can stop doing. Buy cookies. Use gift bags or get someone else to wrap the gifts. Shop online. Let someone else host the big dinner or party. Keep doing just a few things you love best.
Second, be good to your body. Part of the reason the holidays aren’t as pleasurable as we’d like is that too much food and drink, too little exercise and sleep, and the lack of a regular schedule wear the body down. And when your body is fatigued, you can’t handle things as well mentally or physically.
By Susan Flagg Godbey and the editors of Better Health & Living®
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