Better Health & Living: Article: Let Off Some Steam

Issue: September 2008

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Let Off Some Steam

by Sarí Harrar

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Sally Stabb, PhD, holds a spiky rubber ball in her hand. She whisks the multicolored toy behind her back and then pretends to eat it. “This is your anger,” she tells participants at her anger workshops. “You can hide it or try to stuff it down inside yourself, but days or even months later, it will still be there. It doesn’t go away.”

New research suggests that bottled-up anger—lingering resentment, half-conscious outrage, a growing list of frustrations—has health consequences precisely because it doesn’t go away. When University of Michigan at Ann Arbor researchers tracked nearly 10,000 people for 26 years, they found that those who held in their frustration and outrage had about twice the risk of premature death compared to those who expressed their feelings. And in a National Institutes of Health study of 105 women and 95 men over age 50, those who swallowed their anger had stiffer carotid arteries, a risk factor for heart attack.

Other research has linked suppressed anger with everything from high blood pressure to chronic headaches to irritable bowel syndrome. When Dr. Stabb, a professor of psychology at Texas Woman’s University in Denton, and her colleagues interviewed hundreds of women for a groundbreaking study called the Anger Project, they found that those who didn’t express angry feelings were prone to depression, overeating, chronic pain, fatigue, low self-esteem, negative body image, and even pain during sex.

What’s at work is hidden, churning resentment that keeps your body’s “fight or flight” stress hormones—adrenaline and cortisol—in high gear. These may encourage atherosclerosis (the deadly process that coats artery walls with gunky plaque), interfere with feel-good brain chemicals, and even disrupt the heart’s electrical system, researchers suspect.

“Anger itself doesn’t make people ill,” says Dr. Stabb, coauthor of The Anger Advantage: The Surprising Benefits of Anger and How It Can Change a Woman’s Life. “The emotion itself isn’t the problem. It’s what we do with it. Stuffing anger away so that we’re not aware of it is the problem.” The antidote? Dare to feel it, understand it, and do something with it.

let off steam

It’s a Good Thing (Really!)

Yes, it’s scary. “We’re taught to see anger as this horrible thing that destroys relationships and leads to aggression,” Dr. Stabb says, “but the truth is, the emotion itself is not evil, bad, or destructive. Anger keeps us alive—it alerts us immediately when someone has crossed our personal boundaries or when something unfair has occurred—an insult, an injustice, a betrayal. It gives us the energy and clarity and motivation to stand up for ourselves and make important life changes.”

Daring to understand and decide what to do with anger can produce great things, big and small: a new sense of self-esteem, a feeling of deep calm, stronger relationships, a better life—and a better world. “One woman I interviewed for our project had experienced horrific abuse as a girl,” Dr. Stabb says. “She used her anger about being silenced to create a magazine for young girls that’s upbeat and healthy and interesting. Every month there’s a column where girls have a forum to discuss what they’re angry about. It’s a great service.”

Ready to stop stewing? These steps can help you understand what’s making you angry—and choose the best way to deal with it.

Recognize anger’s early warning signs. Some people don’t know they’re angry until they’re about to blow. “You can become aware of anger by noticing what’s happening in your body,” Dr. Stabb says. You may feel hot or flushed or clench your muscles. Or you may notice that your thoughts are filled with harsh judgments of a person or a situation.

“You can hide it or try stuff it down inside yourself, but days or even months later, it will still be there.”

Skip the pillow punching. Working off anger by shouting, screaming, punching pillows, or yelling at an empty chair where you imagine the object of your anger is sitting just backfires. These techniques (once favored by therapists and anger gurus) actually rile people up more, lab studies show.

Do take a walk. “When we talked to women about how they work with their anger, the physical aspect was really important to them,” Dr. Stabb says. “Many women talked about having to work it out on the treadmill or the NordicTrack, taking a walk outside, or going swimming. Doing something physical, to the point of getting tired, really helped them feel better—and got them ready to think about their feelings and their actions.”

Don’t stop there, though. Once you’re calm, it’s time to do some thinking.

Plan the right move. “You don’t have to handle anger the same way in every situation,” Dr. Stabb says. “Sometimes it makes sense to talk directly to the target of your anger in the moment. Sometimes it makes sense to realize you are angry and be OK with that but decide there is a better and more effective way to deal with it later or in a different way, such as dealing with an unfair supervisor at work. And sometimes, there’s really nothing you can do about it—like getting stuck in traffic. You can intensify the feeling by stewing about it, or you can choose to let it go.”

Practice on the small stuff. Don’t shrug off the little things—an uncooperative coworker, an insulting family member, a contractor who’s always days late. “In order to keep anger from building to gigantic proportions and to help yourself learn to stay in touch with your feelings and be assertive, speak up,” says Les Carter, PhD, a psychotherapist in Southlake, Texas, and author of The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations That Sabotage Your Life and The Anger Workbook. “Don’t wait until a problem becomes huge. Address it early when you’ll be calmer.”

Regular contributor Sari Harrar writes for many national publications, including Good Housekeeping and O, The Oprah Magazine.

Ask yourself: Why am I mad?

Your husband borrowed your car and left the gas tank empty—again. Your credit card company hasn’t erased that disputed charge—for a third month in a row. A developer just knocked down the oldest trees in town to make way for a doughnut shop. Often, anger’s cause is a personal insult, a denial of your needs, or an act that insults your personal convictions.

Some anger, however, is a smoke screen for tough-to-face feelings such as fear, vulnerability, or shame. “It’s often easier to get angry than to feel these other emotions,” Dr. Stabb says. “You have to be honest with yourself and have some ability to really reflect on what goes on inside. I sometimes ask, ‘What happens in the split second before you become angry?’ After you reflect, put your feelings into words. That way, they’re more difficult to ignore.”